


Split Stones

by Rei382



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-22
Updated: 2020-01-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:55:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22364473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rei382/pseuds/Rei382
Summary: Draco wakes up from a nightmare.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Comments: 5
Kudos: 94
Collections: Drarropoly 2.0 - A Drarry Game/Fest





	Split Stones

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Split Stones by Maggie Rogers
> 
> Thanks Notealeft for the awesome beta!!

A scream tore Harry from his sleep. He heard heavy panting and for a moment was concerned that it might be him; but not tonight. Though his chest was heaving, it was mostly from being forced awake like this. He turned in the bed, his expression softening at the sight of Draco clutching the duvet, sweating, breathing heavily, whimpering. It was an all too familiar sight. They both had their pasts that haunted them mercilessly. Despite it all being well behind them, despite both going through years of therapy, it wasn’t fully gone. Harry knew – and he knew that Draco knew, too – that it would never be truly gone.

“Hey, Draco, wake up,” he said softly, placing a hand gently on Draco’s shoulder, trying to tear him out of his nightmare. It took another gentle shake and calling his name before the blond lashes fluttered and Draco opened his eyes. For a short second, wild and scared, but then Harry saw the pupils focus on him, and when they closed again Harry felt Draco cuddling against him, holding onto him like he was the one thing separating him from drowning and staying alive. Harry hugged him close, his hand combing through his thin, silky hair. He felt Draco’s body shaking against him, and the tiny, almost inaudible sobs told him Draco was crying. It broke his heart.

He placed a kiss on Draco’s head and held him tighter. “It’s okay now. It was just a dream. You’re awake now, and you’re in bed with me, in our home… whatever was chasing or hurting you is not here. You’re safe now – “

“I know,” Draco whispered, cutting Harry off. This caught him a little by surprise, and he was a little confused. If Draco was grounded enough to realise he was no longer dreaming, that he was safe, why was he still so anxious? Maybe he just needed to let it out for a moment. “I know I’m safe. But…” There was a pause, and Harry looked down at Draco’s head, tucked against his chest. “The people I hurt are not. So many died…  _ you _ died... and I… I have the audacity to lie here... I don’t… I don’t deserve any of it... This house… having a job… being safe…  _ you _ … I deserve to rot in jail – “

Harry blinked. They’d been together for several months now, almost a whole year, and their relationship had started because of Draco’s nightmare. They’d both comforted each other through nightmares, which they both suffered from frequently enough. But Draco’s nightmares, when he shared, were usually about the fire, in horrid variations. He never once mentioned these fears out loud, though. He never mentioned this guilt he was now talking about. Harry thought that Draco understood his role in the war; Harry thought that Draco had already forgiven himself. After all, his crimes had happened when he was a mere teenager, his mind poisoned by his Death Eater parents, and he understood he’d been wrong and did what he could to make things right. Harry never forgot that Draco had lied to save Harry’s skin, even when he was risking himself and his family. And if that wasn’t enough, there was the trial, and the months of court-ordered community service. His father was in jail, probably forever. Draco had paid enough.

“You’re talking nonsense,” Harry said eventually. He felt Draco’s body shaking harder against him, another sob escaping his lips. He frowned. “Look at me, Draco.” 

When nothing happened he moved his arm from under Draco’s body and brought his hand to his chin, gently encouraging him to look up. This had a more favourable result and he saw Draco’s grey eyes, red and swollen. He was so beautiful. “What you’re saying is total, complete, absolute bullshit.”

“No, Harry. It is true. I agreed to kill Professor Dumbledore. I hurt so many of our classmates. I let a bunch of Death Eaters into school. I’d been trying to kill  _ you _ for a whole bloody year. I was a Death Eater – “

“Yes, you were,” Harry said quietly. He moved his hand, the one that was still holding Draco’s body, over to Draco’s arm, where the tattoo was still etched into Draco’s skin. Slightly faded by now, yet clearly still there. Harry felt Draco flinching at the touch, but Harry refused to let go. “You were threatened into becoming a Death Eater at an age we were not even allowed to perform magic outside of Hogwarts yet. You agreed to kill Dumbledore, but you didn’t follow through. You were trying to kill me, but you kept failing – “

Draco briefly closed his eyes and turned away. “Wow, thank you for also adding how much of a fucking  _ failure  _ I am on top of everything – “

“No, listen to me,” Harry made Draco look at him again. “Yes, you did all these things. But you didn’t  _ want _ to. Not on your accord. You were forced into that life. By your father, by Voldemort,” Draco flinched at the name, but Harry went on. “By the circumstance. But you failing doesn’t say a single thing about your competence. You are, and have always been, a brilliant wizard. You were good at school, excelled in Potions – “

“Because Snape favoured me – “

“ _ No _ , would you stop cutting me off already?” Harry moved his fingers over Draco’s cheek, wiping the spots of wetness he found there. When Draco didn’t respond, Harry continued. “You excelled at school because  _ you _ were good. And you still failed when it came to the tasks Voldemort gave you. You failed because you never had any intention of succeeding. You agreed to do all these things – yes, they were horrible, I’m not saying anything different – but you agreed to because you feared that if you wouldn’t, Voldemort would hurt your family. You did horrible things – for a noble reason.”

“Maybe. But I still  _ chose _ to do all that.”

“Having the choice between hurting others, or being responsible for harming your own parents, that’s not a real choice,” Harry replied. “If my parents were alive, and I’d be forced to either harm someone I don’t necessarily care all that much about, or watch them be killed, I know I would’ve made the exact same choice as you made.”

Harry watched as Draco brought his eyebrows together. “No, you wouldn’t.” He pushed Harry’s hands away, turning his back at him. “You’re Wonder Boy. You always make the right choices. You could’ve saved yourself, but instead you came back and saved me – the person who made all hell break loose. You even tried saving – “ Draco shook again, but it seemed that he didn’t intend to give in to the fear. When he spoke next, his voice was strained. “Vincent and Gregory. I didn’t.”

“But you did,” Harry sighed and moved closer. He placed a kiss on Draco’s shoulder, moving his hand over his arm to hold his hand. “You lied about me to Voldermort. You did that even though you knew it was going to get you in trouble. Even though you knew Voldermort will hurt your family. That was very brave of you.”

“Not as brave as you are.”

“I’m not as brave as you think I am,” Harry said softly. “I’m not all that good, either. I… I sat and watched Cedric getting killed, and I did  _ nothing _ . He died just because he happened to be with me at that moment. He died because of me. And I hurt  _ you _ ,” he rested his forehead against Draco’s back and closed his eyes. “Those scars, I caused them. We both did bad things, Draco. You were just unfortunate enough to be born into a family of Death Eaters who sold you to Voldemort’s service without considering your wishes or even your future. And they’re paying for that now. You paid for what you’ve done. And none of it means you don’t deserve to be where you are now. It’s actually almost –  _ insulting _ – to hear you say you don’t deserve me, because I  _ chose _ , and still am choosing, to be with you. To love  _ you _ . I know that the guilt is there. It probably will never go away… but I also want you to always keep in mind that in the end, when it mattered most, you did the right thing. You changed your ways. And that’s what makes you different from your father. That’s what makes you worthy of forgiveness. I forgave you years ago.” He paused. “Please forgive yourself?”

Harry opened his eyes, looking at the pale skin of Draco’s back for a long moment as they lay in silence. Draco wasn’t shaking anymore, his body slowly calming down under Harry’s touch. His sobs ebbed away. Eventually he squeezed Harry’s hand and turned back to face him. His grey eyes looked at Harry for a moment longer before he placed a soft kiss on Harry’s lips. “Okay,” he said weakly. “I’ll try.”

Harry smiled at him. “Good. Do you want to try to go back to sleep? Do you need more time?”

Draco shook his head. “No, I’m better now. We have work tomorrow, so… sleep’s probably good.” He turned his back to Harry again, but searched for Harry’s hand to wrap around himself – which Harry complied with gladly, and snuggled a little bit closer as he closed his eyes again.

Just as he started to feel his consciousness fade away, he heard Draco’s voice again, small and barely over a whisper. “Thank you, Harry.”

“You have nothing to thank me for,” Harry whispered back. “Go to sleep. I’m right here with you. I love you.”

Draco’s hand squeezed Harry’s briefly. “I love you too.”


End file.
